It is staying true to its roots by betting big on a triumphant new year.
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southerngaming.com | 
Cosmopolitan Magazine Bound - July-Dec 1899 - Vol. 27
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2neat.com | 
... that the 500-foot office building will eclipse Cosmo's west side.
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slog.thestranger.com | 
... its commitment to empathy—is cosmopolitan in the best sense of the word.
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... University of Chicago running back Jay Berwanger, who won the first-ever ...
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neatorama.com | 
This context might affect how you view this article, and what kind of ...
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shibasenji.wordpress.com | 
Northumberland-based designer Jeremy Cosmo Davies sent me details of his ...
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shedworking.co.uk | 
Marcus Johnson To Host The Cosmopolitan (Embassy Suites Hotel)
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threekeys.com |
... an imagined 18th-century edition of Cosmopolitan:
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plashingvole.blogspot.com | 
Also from The Cosmopolitan is a photo from the deck of one of the top level ...
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mindspill.bygbaby.com | 
Deranged animated series about a little boy called Timmy Turner and his ...
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tvtropes.org | 
mona nickv & cosmo vitelli all night long
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nickv.fr |
The Pop-Up Wedding Chapel at the Cosmopolitan of Las ...
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spokesman.com | 
Superstar rugby player Ben Foden—seen here in a Cosmopolitan UK pictorial ...
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randyreport.blogspot.com | 
Was Wegmans uncomfortable with the cleavage of a plus-size lady?
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ncregister.com | 
Except 'dirt' doesn't have the same foreign, cosmopolitan ring to it as the ...
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thepeoplescube.com |
Tímea Oravecz: Cosmopolitan, 2009; videoinstallation. Image courtesy of the ...
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artmargins.com | 
And now Va-jay-jay seems to be a new favourite word for magazines like Cosmo ...
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drsamanthathomas.com | 
The December issue of Cosmopolitan screams “Drop a dress size by tonight.”
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nourishing-the-soul.com | | | | | | | | | | |
Soft Science's Ancient Roots
Another spate of bleedingly obvious studies telling us that we find attractive women attractive has finally sent Null reporter, Scary Boots, over the edge. What is it with evolutionary psychology?
On the savannah, a primitive evolutionary psychologist gains status
amongst his peers for confidently explaining Ug’s thrashing behaviour as
a mating dance designed to emphasise his loose joints, muscle tone and
flexibility. In gratefulness for this explanation, the tribe would
reward the narrator with a greater portion of food.
By the time they discovered Ug was actually in his death throes, having
succumbed to a fatal mamba bite, the tribe felt very bloody silly for
having fallen for such pseudo-science, and to cover up their
embarrassment began to enact similar mating dances to the one described.
 The
evolutionary psychologist’s assessment finally proves true, reinforcing
his status in the tribe and meaning that all the attractive young cave
women with low waist to hip ratios would throw themselves at him. Thus,
evolutionary psychology became a selected-for trait, and natural
selection ensured that the species developed a refined talent for
bullshitting and justifying the bleeding obvious with reverse-engineered
logic.
But how does this impact our highly advanced shiny civilisation today?
Research has shown that in times when funding is scarce, universities
follow their primitive intuition and listen to evolutionary
psychologists.
Entering into long-term relationships
with soft-science researchers whose work is easily understood by the
layman leads to frequent references in the press, thus ‘bigging up’ the
institution. Particular interest is given to research departments who
display secondary sexual characteristics, such as ‘The effect of breast
size’ or ‘Do you find Marilyn Monroe attractive?’. As an auxiliary
benefit, such studies are frequently cheap, requiring just enough outlay
to photocopy some line drawings from ‘How to draw fashion models’,
borrowed from the Young Adult section of the library, and distort them
with Photoshop (a bit like this).
Previous work on the subject has
hypothesised that this is a selection process evolved by funding bodies
to select for the fittest, cheapest and most likely to be referenced in Marie Claire.
The papers spawned by this reproduction will, according to Darwin’s
theory of natural sexsellselection, be more viable for future
referencing and cross pollination with other research groups to widen
the meme pool, eventually producing offspring that will be able to
command a 500-word article suitable for even the Metro, that bastion of hard-core scientific research.
The ideal characteristics in such an article, derived from a study of
four that I found on the floor, are a reinforcement of current thinking
on attractiveness, a justification for this in terms of reproductive
viability that covers up the possibility of utter shallow, cultural
conditioning on the part of the homogenous Western student subjects, and
a generous use of the word ‘breasts’. (Knockers is generally frowned
upon in serious scientific literature.)
If the current rate of population growth continues, every scientist will be an evolutionary psychologist by the year 2020.
Evolutionary psychology studies always conclude that Scary Boots
is an unattractive hermaphrodite, due to being a woman with spatial
awareness, numerical ability, muscles and no discernible waist. In spite of this, we at Null are extremely fond of her. More of Scary's ramblings:
- Ethical shopping - Inorganic is inacceptible!
- Space is a crazy place - The galactic sandwich
- Believe it or not - Astrology
- Hot Totty - Scary's Mate
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